Strikethrough

The NSA spies on the UK

On the whole we haven’t got much to say

The CIA goes surfing

Then bombs a shrinking Earth

MI6 is full of pricks

Intelligence analysis

The mayor’s got foot in mouth disease

God save us mad cows

The KGB has a glowing record

And a Ninja President Cyborg

Or Prime Minister, everything’s Premier

In Glorious Mother Russia

The Chinese [REDACTED]

[REDACTED WESTERN LIES]

The poet, with no history of drug abuse or mental health [WELL NOW]

Was found decapitated with multiple gunshot wounds

The police are ruling

Suicide

Meatsuits

Get into my headspace

Delve deep into my braincase

An Escher layered forward base the TARDIS of the human race

Do Death Star runs down Root Canals

Dodge the flirtatious tongue and

I’ve had some out in terms of teeth

There’s less than thirty guns

Am I the man behind the curtain?

Or have I passed the Turing Test

The answer lies in the beating heart

That sits within my chest

Under that’s the stomach

The liver is completely fucked

So really I entreat thee

Wish me the best of luck

Feet have many futures. Foxtrot or forward march

The crushing heels of dictators, the stance of Rosa Parks

An Adam Smith proponent, a missionary of Marx

Whatever you do, own it

You already look the part

Because of Love

If you were to make a list of things you should never do in the name of love

After the laughter had ceased when you first said

Stop

Then you might say, do not give love cheaply

Do not fall so easily

Because for all the bullshit about flying afterwards

The pavements are stained with the blood of broken birds that didn’t make it

You might say do not fall in love with the wrong person

You might as well say do not fall in love

Why do we say nobody’s perfect

But demand perfection in ourselves

Why do we go through the motions

Why do we still play against moving goalposts

It’s just a game to those who do lot like it

It is the lifeblood flowing through those who do

We hurt ourselves because we love you

The masochistic tango is our tune

Get Thee To Bed

I like to write at night when everyone is asleep

And no one can hear me stumbling stuttering

Saying something deep sending it twisting and tumbling

Turning it into something cheap

A punch line or bunting a not over brunch thing

A terribly overdone should have been counting sheep

Million miles a minute rain’s a natural beat

Never be making a killing but making mistakes

To fill the silence

Playing the record again on repeat

Playing the record again on repeat

I like to write at night no

The keys go tic tac as I type no

Why do I do this I do not know

I should gym get wider and go for broke

Ruin mothers like gin be a stylish bloke

Swag so much yolo I start to choke

When I shout marco you shout

I write at night when I have no time

And not every poem has a punchline

Password protected

This poem is password protected

It isn’t for you to see

And it is a little bit about you but a little bit about me

I’m not uncomfortable with being vulnerable

It’s just a bitch to spell

I keep forgetting the L

Like, am I the venerable son of an eloquent thespian

Or the vulnerable son of a feminist lesbian

Can’t we be both?

The most common regret of the dying is not living a life true to yourself

But what if you’re a dick?

And being one is not exclusive to having one

But I can’t seriously say bitch

Living life in a bechdel test

Maleness is a spectre at best

But I still managed to live a love life

Of lies, violence and regret

Not to mention drunk

Expressed only through text

And an instance of excess sex

This is the only excess I’ll ever mention

I’ve done funny for so long serious is another dimension

So I won’t talk about drinking till I’m sick

I’ll sing the saga of alcohol man

And his porcelain sidekick

Because serious is fucking boring

So strap up Shirley

Where we’re going there won’t be no snoring

With a voice clear to carry cross the ocean

I say

U

N

B

O

U

N

D

And set myself free

At least the side that you can see

Funny first line

Funny first line

This is the poem in a nutshell but it works off of your assumptions as to what that line means

Cementing this poem as not one that sounds nice

But as one that solidifies our sense of shared understanding

As to how the world really works

And how we choose to talk about it makes us better than other people

Because we understand the joke

Inspirational first line

This is a poem that aims to leave you going oh my god

Even if you’re an atheist

A poem built on a background of mmms and awws and clicked fingers

Because to applaud would mean you’re missing something

Perhaps a profound statement that will change your life for all of five minutes

Before you go back to being shaped by your family and your friends

Or your lack of them

Expositional first line

This line explains important information that could not be worked into the poem in any other way

It is clunky but because it is the first line you’ve forgotten by the time the poem is in its stride

Like a lover who never had the time to learn about foreplay

And practised punch lines hunched over a keyboard

When they should have been in the park looking at nature or some shit

First line that is also the title

This is the strong start that just couldn’t wait

For any of the important stuff in the middle part

And the last line is just what you used the first time

The funny first line